Sunday, January 22, 2012


One of the most irritating, gag reflex inducing, red rage generating, phrases in existence. That sentence in itself should be considered abuse because it is a slap in the face to women everywhere.

Many times it’s spoken by people who know the abuser and his victim. Often it’s used in an attempt to dissuade the victim from reporting the abuse, BY THE VICTIMS OWN “FRIENDS”. People who don’t want to face the fact that someone they know, maybe even like, is physically abusing his wife. The “Think what it will do to his career.” argument is one of the most used excuses for just letting it go. I don’t know how many times I have heard or read long, rambling discussions from these so called friends about how the victim is making it hard on everybody, that she is forcing people to take sides (heard this before?). She shouldn’t have to make people to take sides; they should have already done so.

I knew (or thought I did) a man, a man I called my friend. We helped each other cut wood, shovel snow, fix our trucks. My wife and I sat next to them in church; I shook his hand and called him “Brother”.

Until the day he put his wife in the hospital. The day we found out it had been going on for months. The day we all realized he was a dirt bag

Maybe she’s a nag, maybe she’s cheating on him, or maybe she’s nagging him about cheating on her! Maybe she spends all their money on clothes, drugs, alcohol. Fine, shame on her, perhaps her or they should be in counseling, maybe they should consider a divorce. Whatever she is doing there are no acceptable excuses for violence.

If you have any integrity at all, you know it is wrong! The person who is creating the problem is not her for reporting it; it’s him for doing it. Physical abuse of a spouse is against the law! It’s a crime. If he were beating up some stranger he met in a bar the police would haul him away. It’s no different if he is beating up his wife or girlfriend, actually it’s worse because he is supposed to be someone who protects her, not harming her. He should be thinking about what it will do to his career. He should be thinking about what it will do to his partner, the mother of his children, the woman he said he loved! He should think about what it will do to his children who see him beat his wife, their mother, unconscious.

We should think about not covering it up, not letting it go on another day.


  1. Wow, Rick, I never knew you were so passionate about this subject! I wholeheartedly agree with your stance on this issue.

  2. I'm so glad men are talking about this too. This isn't just an issue for survivors, or just a "woman's issue." So, thanks again, Rick :)